why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
