So drunk its hurt
I bet he comes in French.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
