So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just gift wrapped bread.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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