sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize