I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
