There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
