So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
