Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize