just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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