I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
