Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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