he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
