I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize