She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
