I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
