oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
