Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she peed on how many people?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
