Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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