theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
