ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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