I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
