Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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