The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
