you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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