I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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