I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
