you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There r osticjed everywhere
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
