there's paper in my vomit.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
