Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
