A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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