That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
