The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
