i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
