Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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