She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
