No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
