i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The beer is more important than you right now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
