so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
