In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
