so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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