so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
