alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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