Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
