Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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