Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
