It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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