where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
