i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
