The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
