8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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