You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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