And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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