one two three fourrrrnication!
she looked like the before picture.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
