this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
