he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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