Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
