so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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