He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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