lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
