My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize