How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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