If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
