Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
