i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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