even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
