Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
