soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
