Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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